Yes, I said Marmite. You know the thing where you either love it or hate it? I kind of feel the same way about social media. Now don't get me wrong, I love a bit of social media, I love being able to catch up on what my friends and family are up to, ahhh-ing over the cute pet pics and discovering who I really was in a past life, because those quizzes are just so accurate. But sometimes it all gets a bit too much. The point where you want to tear your hair out, put the phone down and go back to living in the real world. You know the types I mean. And for those who don't, let me enlighten you, in a slightly tongue in cheek fashion, on some of the things that pop up on our social media accounts that make you want to stick pins in your eyes.
1. The "share this if you have blue eyes" posts.
Or that kind of thing. You know the ones where it generalises everyone with a certain characteristic, eg blue eyes, your star sign or if you like cats and pop you all into a tidy little pile of being all the same. Spoiler - you're not.
2. The "inspirational quote" posts.
These are usually aimed at someone that the casual Facebook scroller has no idea and couldn't care less about. Yes, they have nice sentiments (sometimes) but these are the people who post these day in and day out in a thinly veiled attempt to annoy someone, who probably won't see it anyway.
3. The "bogus like and share" posts.
Facebook are going to start charging you to use it / if you type in these letters and numbers and they turn green it means your settings are rotten and everything will go horribly wrong. No. It's not and they won't.
4. The "hashtag blessed" folk.
We all see these. These are the people who live A Perfect Life And Want To Show Everyone How Perfect It Is. Like all of us mere mortals, their lives are most definitely not perfect, their kids are little buggers like everyone else and their homes are definitely not that tidy.
5. The "cry for attention" posts.
The ones that are always followed up with "U ok hun?" Frankly not enough information for those who are nosey enough to worry.
6. The "post this emoji and it will definitely raise awareness for these illnesses" posts.
It won't. Talking about illnesses, fundraising and getting it out in the open will raise awareness, not posting an emoji of a banana.
7. The "if your name is on this list of generic names, you are a party animal / desperate housewife / best husband" posts.
I've lost count of how many of these are flying around recently. I escape this pretty well, given that my name is never on these lists. Phew.
8. The "adverts for something that you looked at and it freaks you the hell out" posts.
So you have a little browse for something. A handbag, a pair of shoes, tickets to a gig. A few days later an ad pops up for the very thing you were looking at. Scares me a little, not going to lie.
9. The "fake pregnancy announcement" posts.
These pop up usually on April fools Day or a few months before Christmas Day. A picture of a pregnancy test or a "You'll never guess what I'm expecting in a few months" status. Just no. To anyone who has ever done this or clicked the "LOL" button, have a think about how many people would actually love to post a status like this. Unfair and unnecessary. Lecture over.
10. The "look where I am everybody!" posts.
Yes, I admit that I'm guilty of this on the odd occasion, but we don't need to know that you've checked in at Aldi or B&Q, pottering around for stuff to make your hashtag blessed house even prettier. And we definitely don't need to know you're in A&E, in which case you shouldn't even be plastering it on Facebook.
11. The "shady racist" posts.
Need I go further? Blocked.
I'll just go back to looking at cute pics of Schnauzers, climb off my soapbox and make sure I check in to my next place of interest. Whilst eating Marmite on toast. (I'm a lover!)