Firstly, a disclaimer. I am absolutely not attempting to make fun of this entirely serious subject, or being anything other than thoughtful or caring for anyone who isn’t feeling at their best right now. I am simply going to write these “diaries” which may consist of daily, weekly or most likely, completely random postings at this most uncertain of times. These are my thoughts, my experiences and, as always, my ramblings and I plan, for what it’s worth, to update you all every so often, mostly for my own entertainment but, if anyone takes anything from it, then hurrah! Enjoy and, if you like, please leave me a comment or a “like” - let’s face it - human contact is pretty slim at the moment!
So Day 1. Or, if you really want specifics, Friday 20th March 2020. The slightly specific side of me is now wondering if 20/3/20 is significant. Or maybe I just have a thing about numbers like that.
My day began like all others. The alarm goes off, I tap it more than once, as I always miss the target first time round, in a pathetic attempt to silent it for “just ten more minutes”. Four minutes later my son strolls in, shakes me (hard) whilst exclaiming (loudly) “Mummy, it’s the last day of school.” he says.
“I think.” he says.
Except it is, but it’s also not. It’s March, not bloody July. We haven’t achieved half the things they should have done by the time they finish the school year.
We haven’t had a school trip yet. We haven’t had the class photograph, (so that’s messed up my idea for the display on the upstairs landing despite the fact we’re a good few years into school now and I still haven’t actually put ANY of these pictures on the wall.) We haven’t had the summer fayre, which is famous for not only giving us the chance to give the kids a couple of quid to run around with the friends and feel as though they have freedom to go on stalls and “just hang out” but gives the parents the chance to stand by the pop up Prosecco and (I’m not even being ironic here, the Corona bar) and get a little bit tipsy before swanning off to a friends house so the kids can “play together” or the parents can more likely just get a little bit more merry on what is usually just a lovely sunny day. Ah bliss.
We haven’t even had sports day, where the fight to the death to get the most house points is usually lost on most people but most definitely NOT on the kids. Oh no, THIS is the World Cup of all days. Green team to win all the way!
We haven’t had any of those things and, chances are, we might not get any of them either as, thanks to this thing called Corona Virus, we are going to be shut inside avoiding people for as long as possible.
Is anyone else absolutely terrified by all this? Or is it just me who has swanned around today during my last day of “freedom” before the schools close, worrying about the future for myself and my family. Freedom that I chose to use most of the day by trying desperately to purchase eggs. (I just really fancy poached eggs and marmite on toast tomorrow morning ok?!) It took me five, yes FIVE shops to find a box of eggs. Fresh food is not our friend at the moment, it’s times like this I wish I’d stayed living in the sticks and fulfilling my wish of having chickens in the garden and growing beans or something.
By the time I get home from my egg finding mission, I am exhausted. Not physically but mentally I guess. I feel drained from just being out and feel scared that all those people I’ve just walked past could have passed this thing on to me. I definitely wasn’t feeling like this last week. Last Saturday night I was out partying with friends, having a few drinks, dinner and a giggle with people I love, worrying “a bit” about what these Covid-19 shenanigans may bring but not sufficiently giving a damn to warrant giving up a night out.
Today, with the schools closing, chatting to friends about the rising panic and checking exactly how much food I have in the house, I have just felt Very Strange. (I have enough food for a week or so btw, definitely not convinced I have enough toilet paper because I haven’t been one of “them” who has been panic buying.)
I have been speaking to family. (Update, no elderly relatives have killed their other halves yet, my in-laws are planning on repainting their entire house and my Mother popped a box of wine on my doorstep because she’d nipped to little Sainsbury’s, which is basically next to her house, and wanted to take her car for a spin. (Adore her for this and no human contact was involved!)
Also today, I have encountered something I have not experienced since circa 1988 when my best friend from primary school moved away from the area and we spent years writing and sending things to each other.
My amazing friend Helen (big up the Sheffield massive, ((does massive need to be in capitals?!)) sent me an actual gift in an actual old school postal delivery. And it was only my VERY favourite kind of gift. A small, papery gift with lots of pages - a book!! (Cue the violins!) Not only that but a book about true crime. She knows me too well! Helen, you are a bloody legend and I cannot wait to delve into this book. I may even keep you all updated on the gruesome details!
School pick up today was weird. Fact. My son was angry, frustrated and wound up. A typical sign that he’s had a stressful day and hasn’t yet found the wherewithal to figure out that this is just what it’s like to Have. A. Sh*t. Day. (In a weird unknown bloody time.) He wanted to drag me off the playground and back home and not be particularly chatty or co-operative for that matter. After returning home, he sobbed for a good 20-30 minutes saying he just wanted to be at school with his friends and he was a bit “not sure and not ok Mummy”.
I had to explain that actually, no one is sure. Or ok. At all. No one has the faintest clue what is going to happen or will happen.
It broke my heart if I’m honest.
But you know what? We have each other. We have plans. Yesterday, we wrote down all the things we wanted to do over the next however blinking long and came up with Quite The List. And you know what? We’re going to try our best to work through that list and then some.
And if we can’t? We’ll have a nap. We’ll snuggle under blankets knowing and hoping beyond hope that under there we can get through this together somehow.
Let’s face it, no one has a bleeping clue what’s going on here. We’re all 100% winging it. A lot of us are also absolutely 100% praying that it’s just going to be ok.
So let’s just hope, shall we? For anyone reading this, stay safe and stay in! I’ll keep you updated on all the “whatever the heck it is” over here as long as it takes 😂 See you soon 😘